Sex

Ask Dr Gil - Sex and Love Choices - Beyond Elite Magazine - 201

Mon, 1 Feb 2010 17:44:30 -0500

Sex and love is probably the most captivating and at the same time most frustrating of involvements and relationships that people usually need to face. How should one take on sex and love endeavors, shall all be seen as a trip into enchantment, or is their pleasure and gains to be had when looking for an enhancement of live and living? At a time when the reports are that huge numbers of Americans are suffering from loneliness, anxiety, sleeplessness and just plain being alone, what is the problem? Is the problem not knowing how to see love and sex as all magical and be an expert, or is the problem being confused about how to be practical about relationships? So people swim in and out of Victoria Secrets, Chat Rooms, going back to church to pickup and just staying home alone a lot. Those that are coupled and married up are waiting for the Really Big Boom to go off like Tiger Wood, while secretly or not so secretly flirting with new and many contenders for the right fit or the right ‘Boom’.

With a little closer examination we learn that tradition tells us that Romance with a capital ‘R’ should and could come along if you just wish enough, were good enough, waited long enough, and had the right status in life or if Lady Luck came along like a Fairy Godmother. Sometimes we are told that it is all about outer beauty and sometimes we are told that it is all about inner beauty, or if you are short on both just be even more mysterious and seductive. All in all, there are no definite answers or no sure deals; so no wonder that there is so much confusion and not enough wonder or Boom results.

The one good thing about drugs, more drugs and more powerful drugs is that the Boom just seems to happen and the one you are with or near to seems like the prince or the princess even if they look like a frog or an out of work bitch. The bad thing about the economic times is that we don’t have enough money for drugs, divorce, weekend getaways or any funds to deal or dabble in slave trafficking. Even though we never knowingly will let ourselves think to have a mail order bride or lover of sorts, the long time suffering makes us think that crazy and extreme ways don’t sound all that bad, as in evil or wrong. Vegas, as in Las Vegas or Lost Wages, tells us that they would be complicit in keeping our secrets while we are on our hunt or contacting a slave dealer, even if the deal is a bride that is pimping for herself and promising servitude.

All sound too ridiculous, scary and upsetting? Well Yeah! But with not too much thinking we can see that there is more truth in what I am saying about us than not. Sex and Love has gotten a bad rap and a bad steer for years and still massive confusion and frustration is more common than not. Now is the time for a new attitude, say I. I think that with mindfulness and pragmatic views that relationships, dating, sex and involvements of the heart need to be practical and about the head, and not about the mystery and lies of the never reached and never to be found Boom. Sane is to not put stock in Fantasy. Sober is to know that intoxication always is followed by a hangover. And Safe is to know and live, Sane and Sober is the way to think and go so that relationship, contacts, plans, ventures, investments and everything else will pay off. But mostly know that the Boom Seeking will lead to a Catastrophe Bang and Crash, no matter what astrological sign you are or are under, you will end up under the earth.

Dr. Gil, Sexologist

Dr. Gil Eriksen is Editor-in-Chief of Beyond Elite Magazine, Founder and Director of Research at the Institute for Reality Studies, and author of the How to Think book series. A Thinker, Sexologist, Speaker, Author and Trainer, Dr. Gil Eriksen is a Realist and has spent a lifetime teaching mental fitness. For more information on Dr. Gil Eriksen, visit www.gileriksen.com , email him at drgil@gileriksen.com or visit him on the following social networks:

Caring - Active Decisions to Create and Invest Oneself by Dr Gil Eriksen - Beyond Elite Magazine - 202

Mon, 1 Feb 2010 16:17:38 -0500

No mental processes occur or happen on their own; our minds are what we make of them over time and with repetition. So our caring, liking and even ideas of loving are merely our own personal preferences that we create and adhere to by our own choices. We create and hold to the habits of our own creations. This knowledge begs the question as to just what is apathy, and is apathy only what may appear to some to be non-caring or disinterest and not to other people. Some suggest that apathy is really only about lazy people, and others think that there are those that are of lesser intelligence or having diminished disabilities. And too there are ideas that there are those that can’t or won’t be bothered to care or to get invested and involved. If that is the case and all true, then what role does society play in educating or creating incentives to become mentally elaborated and mentally prepared to invest? Or is it that some chose the route of least resistance and least efforts required of them to be happy and care for themselves by avoiding, drugging or being taken care of by others? And too are we those that call ourselves ambitious just not wanting to see apathy as just another choice and another form of what is seen as most important to others? And do we make excuses and explanations for different people by calling them mentally ill, criminally inclined and anti-social just because of this or that? And to continue to make my point, I just do not think that any of this is just all that natural of the species or anything that is mysterious or faultless, but more than just differences in people and different selections.

I do think that we in all of our worldwide histories of competitiveness and compromises have made plenty of room for the choices of disinterest or mal-fitted and destructive interests. So it is also in popular thought that to choose to be personally and socially involved and to prefer to be safe and life supportive is seen as naïve and against the crowd, that of having no balls. So to ask or inquire of one or oneself as to origins of caring or non-caring, what are the roles of family, kindergarten, corporations and even the afterlife preparations? How is caring viewed and instigated or seen as something of a natural occurrence or source? Is caring for self and others to be like in goodness in an non-involved way, or is the training more of one of care and be good to only number one, but sit around and wait for the happening? In going over all of this questioning or fact finding investigation, one would soon be able to see that caring is merely a charity of one and the set up for the exclusion and even destruction of everyone and anything else, even oneself and too one’s own body.

I think that caring in a life saving and life giving way is a huge and lifelong investment that needs to be taken very seriously and very actively. I think that we are decisive and actually self-dependent upon our own decisions, so we are what we create. Apathy or disinterest in upholding oneself to chance is very common, and is an illusion of some idealism that that is investment of leading oneself to the grave, alone and by oneself alone.

Dr. Gil Eriksen is Editor-in-Chief of Beyond Elite Magazine, Founder and Director of Research at the Institute for Reality Studies, and author of the How to Think book series. A Thinker, Sexologist, Speaker, Author and Trainer, Dr. Gil Eriksen is a Realist and has spent a lifetime teaching mental fitness. For more information on Dr. Gil Eriksen, visit www.gileriksen.com , email him at drgil@gileriksen.com or visit him on the following social networks:

Difficulties with Reengagements by Dr Gil Eriksen - Beyond Elite Magazine - 203

Mon, 1 Feb 2010 15:24:25 -0500

Is meeting up with an old friend or acquaintance meant to be comfortable, awkward or innocuous? Bumping into someone that you have known from the past can be a surprising and often mixed experience depending on how engaged the two were in the past. Engaged means what did they have in common and what was the nature of the relationship. Were both people committed or was one, the other or both somehow superficially available and not having too much shared in common. At this time of chance meeting it can be difficult to sort out as to how mach quality or depth of the contacts, both in attempting to measure or just more assumption, and how much was based on mere impressionability as is the case for many.

Most people live their whole lives based on gut experiences, too mean they create impressions in their minds and most often their experiences and memories have little to no regard for what actually transpired, and they come away with something that could be more described as a favorable or unfavorable mood reaction. For them time, evidence, courses of actions, outcomes and their reactions were of little to no consequence and carried no lasting memories or recalls. So for them meeting on the street will be more of the same, sort of like meeting a stranger for the first time, a little awkward and with little to nothing to talk about other than trivia and small talk.

Fewer are the cases were there both parties were highly alert and greatly involved, so in those cases there would be much to talk about and tons to review with efforts to reengage and reconnect. They would be getting significantly up to date so that the time that elapsed did not leave them as strangers of disconnected. It would not be a quick ‘hi and bye’ for that would not due and would seem awkward for them. There would not be defensiveness, competition or gossip, but more of just tell me as it was and how it is, and let the truth speak for itself. These kinds of relationships are one of mutuality and not just commonality.

When the elements of concern, real concern that is based on mutuality is active, and not a casual relationship that is based on some distant moodiness or giddy brush with one another, then the concern can be experienced and the relationship is strengthened. When the case is that one or the other has been and is still capable of real interest and real investment and the other has been only a Sunday Friend and has not changed at all, then there will be a discourse of meeting and both will feel awkward. And the awkwardness felt by both can be disturbing for they both come from very different baselines, and a period of uncover will be needed to resolve the matter of strain.

The shallow friend will think that the one with all the questions and all the recollections was weird and making for some sort of trouble, which they blocked or ‘offed’. The other that was attempting to go beyond a world of twisted impressions will wonder if they were being offensive as the on guard and avoidant person implied. So it is that strange, stranger, strained and difficult is the case when people that are more different than they are more the same meet or re-meet. What can be deceptive is that the time of relationship is not really a factor; what is significant is the quality of relationship and how individuals invest themselves or stay distant and aloof.

-Dr. Gil Eriksen, Realist, Sexologist and Trainer

Dr. Gil Eriksen is Editor-in-Chief of Beyond Elite Magazine, Founder and Director of Research at the Institute for Reality Studies, and author of the How to Think book series. A Thinker, Sexologist, Speaker, Author and Trainer, Dr. Gil Eriksen is a Realist and has spent a lifetime teaching mental fitness. For more information on Dr. Gil Eriksen, visit www.gileriksen.com , email him at drgil@gileriksen.com or visit him on the following social networks:

Trust - The Vital Component of Self-defeat by Dr Gil Eriksen - Beyond Elite Magazine - 204

Mon, 1 Feb 2010 12:32:34 -0500

When you think about believing and you think about trusting, they are actually the same idea with a different name, and all of how everything is thought of and composed of, therefore the vital component and the center of control. The question becomes one of for better or for worse. In today’s way of thinking about importance, trust and the right to believe are all that holds everything together and creates a sense of confidence and security. By the mere practice of constructing mythology as the primacy and as the tool in which to lens and stage societies, and by the mere practice of faithful means, believing and trusting are the foremost way of thinking, acting and constructing daily life and for most the afterlife. Security and dependency is thought to exist by means of trusting and believing and is seen as a way of existing. So to question what is taken on faith, and to confront the whole systems-approach is to greatly sake and confront the ideas of the myth as the primary method, storytelling as the socialization and wishing as the driving force. All a very vital and existential concern and all of which is viewed as a personal and social security and how-to afford living and dying well.

In examining this paradigm one can see how it is that the myth is declared and seen as so vital, necessary, absolute, life providing and the ultimate organizing central idea for complete control and powerful means. The role is so central that it appears that living and dying are contingent upon the critical and supreme role of holding onto believing. All societies are so constructed, and in so doing determined in every aspect and in every way. Believing is the international language and trading of ideas of difference that somehow really supports a huge disconnect. Trusting and working with an artificial paradigm is treated and known to be what is real, even though all is one big theoretical composition. Once again the question becomes one of for better or for worse.

The main problem when making and viewing within this encipher and duty of willing of one’s own thinking and forcing of the believing is that the adjusts and distorts of reality becomes an altered or alternative reality that is not based on fact, and is not real to the touch, to the eyes or to the knowing and is absent of and almost by law is excluded from knowing and conversing. So when normal people come around or seek out ideas, counsel, input, education they are looking for some format that fits their mental language and what they refer to as understanding. So understanding to them is an at will and massively random way of thinking about thinking, thinking about how thinking can and does not work, thinking about connections and disconnections with others, conversation and daily operations. This all is extremely problematic for only mythology of thought is known by them and defended; only faith is used to determine, and alarmingly only trust is defined and used by the individual to sort out right from wrong, and all is contingent upon endless hypotheses and personal gains. All is a powerhouse of aberrations and well held misperceptions that shield and cripple people that stay affixed in ignorance and self-confinement. This closed or closed off system of thinking provides only for success in perpetuating the myth but is terrible and awful for realistic measures and real world living. Normal people conform to mythologizing and confine their minds and them to a prison of isolation and ill use of mental opportunities.

When you attempt to free up the mental prisoner of their believing-trusting they go into a crisis of an even higher defense of them. Keeping in mind that to them, they are not really seen as a person, an animal, a common social creature, thinking and choosing mental apparatus, but they have only the experience of an abstracted philosophy and a lifelong clinging to trusting of their own illusions seen as facts. Compromise means destruction, disaster and profoundly like a fish out of water. They cannot see that they are in a delusional state from within a believing point of view, for that consideration would mean a choice of theirs and a preference of a systems collapse, and for them a suicidal death. Or at best the end of life as they know it, of which they are in peril and a terrifyingly worse than 911.

Today we have political debates about the Healthcare or the Myth-care. What society has traditionally taught and bargained with are ideas that are part of the myth that are designed to conceal, keep and protect the myth and the power of the myth. So put in place are ideas that we normally have conditions known as out of the mind and out of our bodies attacks. So healthcare physical problems could be deterred, arrested or at least dealt with to some satisfaction and all is seen as real as they are passed with belief. So leaving trust in place and avoiding a systems melt down, they are open instead to conditions of mental-disease and have created and become dependent upon the treatment option. This idea is an incarnate of old ideas of that you may have a spiritual problem and in the past as well as now needs some help, prayers and realignments. With those ideas of some outside or unknown force possibly trying to hurt you, one would think to join up and resort to another form of defense or preventive medicine and/or prayers of salvation deliverance.

I think there is a way out of the dark ages and bugaboo thinking. The most likely candidates to make the journey will be people that are curious and even suspect of their lifelong adherence to trust as a way of thinking and operating. They may be people that have mentally developed a fair amount of wanting to be practical and factual and need information and teaching in the transition. In the old therapy days, we would say people with a ‘lot of baggage’. But today we think not of the usual memories of haunting events and issues, but firstly of the burden of structures that prohibit them from thinking and being factually real. An indicator to becoming open would be an eagerness to learn, change and reestablish their minds and not be looking for a pill, a message or a massage.

Often people do carry the baggage of normal choices and some have gone to witch doctors and do-gooder fixers that tried to reconfirm and rehab the games of cover-up of the real systemic problem and condition of their detachment from what is real. How and when they decide to break loose and liberate will be up to them to come to terms with and apply, ours is not to make those decisions for them, make it easy and corrupt for them, and focus on not going back into the ranks of the faithful, or neither to carry their share of the work of them.

In conclusion, I think that the recognition that believing and trusting are really one concept, and not practically functional in the real world, and knowing this is useful for all in sorting out and bridging some of the difficulties of thinking that we have about thinking and the roots and persuasions of foolishly implanting everyone’s mind. What is normal and defended is that people operate out of an ignorance of circular confusion and their inability to identify and know what is real. Consequence is that how they think pervades and self-consumes.

Dr. Gil Realist and Master of My Own Mind

Dr. Gil Eriksen is Editor-in-Chief of Beyond Elite Magazine, Founder and Director of Research at the Institute for Reality Studies, and author of the How to Think book series. A Thinker, Sexologist, Speaker, Author and Trainer, Dr. Gil Eriksen is a Realist and has spent a lifetime teaching mental fitness. For more information on Dr. Gil Eriksen, visit www.gileriksen.com , email him at drgil@gileriksen.com or visit him on the following social networks: